Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Lady in Red

Every woman needs a red dress. It's sexy, powerful, grabs attention and makes you feel like a million bucks.
I found a beautiful red Roberto Cavalli short flirty dress on ebay from a seller with a stellar feedback rating. She has more than 3000 positive compliments and always has the coolest, up to the moment, hippest designer clothing. She lives in Pacific Palisades, CA area but I know that she must auction off other women's clothes than her own. I mean, who wears size 10 Jimmy Choo sandals along with size 8 Manolo Blahnik mules?
It doesn't really matter to me...I just like her inventory.
I bid on and won an exquisite red dress and the auction did state that there were a couple of spots but the seller was certain that they would come out at the dry cleaners. No problem. The dress arrived, fit perfectly, but true to her word I did see some spots on the skirt of the dress. No problem. I took the dress to my local dry cleaners, explained the problem and was told to pick it up in two days. I went to pick it up in two days. Problem.
I was asked to go to the BACK of the dry cleaners. The back of the dry cleaners? Who goes there?? Where they do the work, the pre-spotting, the pressing? I felt like all eyes were on me as I traveled through racks and bags of clothes. I met Dorothy who is the pre-spot expert and it was then I felt like I was being interrogated by the government's secret service.
"Is this your dress?"
I answered, "Yes"
"Do you know this dress has these stains on the front?"
"Yes, I do...I was hoping you could get them out."
"Do you know how these stains got here or what they are?"
It was then I spilled my guts. No, I didn't know...I had bought the dress on Ebay and the seller told me there were spots but I just assumed it was champagne from a joyous night of celebration by the woman who had worn the dress before me.
Dorothy told me how she had pre-spotted for alcohol, for food products, for make-up, there was only one thing it could be and she didn't know if it would come out.
"What is the stain, Dorothy?" I was more than curious at this point.
"Well.." she began in slow manner, "it's an organic material"
I thought to myself. Organic? That's good, isn't it? Organic is good, right?
Dorothy continued, "I believe there might be grass stains..." (hmmm..the woman must have slipped while wearing the dress? It could happen...) "along with some type of bodily fluids..."

I thought I would die...ewwwwwwwwwwww!
"Dorothy, are you saying that after this woman had a few glasses of champagne she maybe had sex somewhere on a lawn??!!"
Dorothy told me how she had tried spot removers for vomit and other disgusting "organic" fluids but if I knew that it was bodily fluids it would make her job easier.
I again repeated how I had no idea how the stains got there (was she wanting me to take a DNA test??! Did she believe me?!) and perhaps it was best if I just returned the dress to the original seller.
I ran out with the dress, packed it up, shipped it off, completely grossed out the seller of the dress with my story and was immediately refunded my original price, shipping, and dry cleaning bills. She received another positive, perfect, feedback comment from me. I'm not sure what she did with the dress...hmmm.

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